Dying at home
Dying is different for every person and every whānau (family). It is important to do whatever feels right during this time. There are some things to be aware of before a person's death and immediately afterwards, so you can be prepared.
Before someone dies
When someone has an advanced illness, death usually comes gradually and is often peaceful. Knowing about the main changes that can happen as someone nears the end of their life can help you understand the dying process.
Understanding the dying process
It is not possible to predict the exact time of death, but healthcare providers can often give you an idea of when your loved one is getting close to death. It is important that the person's healthcare provider is aware of their weakening condition. They may be able to:
- provide support for the person, managing things like pain, feeling sick (nausea) or agitation
- arrange support to prevent other problems, such as pressure areas.
You may also want to make plans for the funeral or memorial service ahead of time. Your loved one might like to be involved too. They may have preferences of what they would like at their funeral or memorial.
Help and support when someone is dying
This can be an exhausting time. Look after yourself and accept offers of help. It can make a huge difference if others can do simple things like:
- doing the laundry
- shopping and preparing an evening meal
- collecting a prescription from the pharmacy (some pharmacies may deliver prescriptions)
- sit with the person while you take a break or have a rest.
Looking after yourself when caring for someone who is dying
Even with good planning, things can sometimes happen unexpectedly. You might need to seek urgent help from your healthcare provider or district nurse.
If you are a Māori whānau caring for a loved one at home, you can get support from Te Ipu Aronui.
Knowing when someone has died
No matter how much you prepare for it, death arrives in its own time and in its own way. You will probably know that the person is no longer alive. Some things to look for and be aware of are:
- they will be unresponsive and not breathing or moving
- their eyes and mouth may be slightly open
- the colour of their skin will become paler and cooler
- they may lose control of their bowel or bladder
- stiffness does not happen for several hours after death.
What to do after someone has died
Aotearoa New Zealand has a wide range of cultures and religions who have different traditions surrounding death and dying.
It is important to do things in your own time. Take as long as you need to say your goodbyes.
- There is no rush to do anything immediately. You may wish to spend time with the person.
- It is helpful to note the time of death.
- There may be whānau and friends who you would like to call to let them know the person has died.
- If you do not want to be alone, ask whānau or a friend to join you. You do not have to call an ambulance or the police.
- It is often possible for the person who died to stay at home for a time to allow whānau and friends to come and say their goodbyes.
- It is not necessary to wash the person's body. If you wish, you can sponge their skin and face and replace any dentures they might usually wear. If this is not possible, put the dentures in a container and let the funeral director have them.
- Contact your healthcare provider to let them know the person has died, so they can complete a death certificate. This could wait until the morning if the person died overnight and you are comfortable waiting.
- If you are using a funeral director, tell them about the death. This can wait until the morning if the person has died overnight. The funeral director will arrange with you to collect the tūpāpaku (body).
- Turn off room heaters and electric blankets and keep the room as cool as possible. this is particularly important if you do not wish the person to be embalmed.